WHEN THE CHARGE NURSE HAS TO SEND SOMEONE HOME
Thanks for the suggestion, ladyalinor!
April 9 was equal pay day in the U.S., where the wage gap remains a stubbornly high 23%. In Switzerland, where the gap is closer to an even 20%, a bank cooperated with a local women’s organization to make this video dramatizing that country’s wage gap. When men tried to withdraw CHF100 from an ATM, they received CHF80 instead. Their variously angry, bewildered, and violent reactions â until the ATM receipts explain the prank â are priceless.
I’M SO TIRED OF MOTHER FUCKERS asking “Where do you get your protein?” All you simple minded bastards better read up some. I eat shit like whole grains, beans, nuts, lentils, tempeh… I mean hell, where the fuck are YOU getting your protein? Black beans are one of my favorite protein sources for sure. The insoluble fiber these are packing keeps the body feeling full while holding calories down low. But hold up, this shit also has soluble fiber to regulate the fuck out of your glucose levels. So eat more black beans and sign some fucking autographs.
Black Bean and Cilantro Pesto Wrap
1 large bunch of cilantro, chopped, about 2 cups
2/3 cup slivered almonds
2-3 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon juice
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon lemon zest (just grate the skin of the lemon on the smallest side of your grater, calm the fuck down)
¼ cup olive oil
¼ cup vegetable broth or water
Put all the ingredients for the pesto in a food processor and blend until sorta smooth. No food processor? Before I had one I’d just put the almonds in a bag and smash them until they are tiny and chop the rest of that shit up super small too. Mix all of it together with a fork until it looks like a paste.
This recipe makes about 1 cup of goddamn delicious pesto. I like about ¼ cup of it for every 1 ½ cups of beans. For the lazy bastards, one 15-ounce can of black beans is about 1 ½ cups. Just mix the beans together with the pesto and wrap that shit up with whatever vegetables you have like: cucumbers, tomatoes, red onion, lettuce, avocado, corn, you get the fucking idea. Add salsa or lime juice if you want. I don’t give a fuck.
Because everyone needs a little swagger in their kitchen
“We all have the right to exercise for enjoyment and health benefits, regardless of our size.”
You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.